Capitialiticus (The Bible of the Capitialist)

Few people realize that the wealthy affluent of this nation of their own bible modeled off of the Christian bible. This is chapter one of Capitaliticus (a rewording of Leviticus). Like Leviticus is the model of sacrifice for the priests of Israel, Capitaliticus is the model of sacrifice for the Board Members of a company!

Chapter 1 of Capitaliticus

1 And the Lord called unto the CEO, and spake unto him out of the tabernacle of the boardroom, saying,

2 Speak unto the upper management, and say unto them, If any man of you bring an offering unto the Lord, ye shall bring your offering of the employee, even of the minimum wage worker.

3 If his offering be an immigrant sacrifice of the employees, let him offer a male without medical insurance: he shall offer it of his own voluntary will at the door of the tabernacle of the boardroom before the Lord.

4 And he shall put his hand upon the head of the immigrant; and it shall be accepted for him to make profit for him.

5 And he shall exploit the employee before the Lord: and the board members, shall bring the sweat of the employee, and sprinkle the sweat round about upon the checkbook that is by the door of the tabernacle of the boardroom.

6 And he shall fire the immigrant offering, and cut his dreams into pieces.

7 And the board members shall put empathy upon the altar, and lay the apathy in order upon the empathy:

8 And the board members,, shall lay the parts, the minority, and the minimum wage worker, in order upon the wood that is on the fire which is upon the altar:

9 But his dreams and his rights shall he wash in water: and the priest shall burn all on the altar, to be a burnt sacrifice, an offering made by greed, of a sweet savour unto the Lord.

10 And if his offering be of the workers, namely, of the women, or of the minorities, for a burnt sacrifice; he shall bring it a worker without a voice.

11 And he shall expoit it on the side of the market before the Lord: and the board members, shall sprinkle his earnings round about upon the altar.

12 And he shall cut it into his pieces, the workers benefits and his pension: and the board members shall sacrifice them in order to fatten the profits which are upon the altar:

13 But he shall wash the wages with water: and the board memebrs shall bring it all, and burn it upon the altar: it is a burnt sacrifice, an offering made by greed, of a sweet savour unto the Lord.

14 And if the burnt sacrifice for his offering to the Lord be of foreigners, then he shall bring his offering of Mexicans, or of young Chinese.

15 And the board members shall bring them unto the altar, and wring off their future, and burn it on the altar; and the cares thereof shall be wrung out at the side of the altar:

16 And he shall pluck away his wages with his rights, and cast it beside the altar on the east part, by the place of the losses:

17 And he shall makes lots of money at the costs of others, an offering made by fire, of a sweet savour unto the Lord.

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About Foologian

Creative writer. Fascinated by Jesus. Appalled by religion. Sarcastic to a fault. Lover of humanity.

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